Punching out of the box

It has been almost three years, but I finally put the gloves back on. It was years ago when I found the joy of gloves nd a punching bag. I had joined a small women’s gym. Now I am no stranger to gyms and considering that I am not a small girl know my way around quite well. I grew up figure/power skating, Skiing, and dancing.  I always preferred solitary sports to team sports as the only one I was trying to compete against was myself.  I was always a bit of an anomaly carrying this weight but being very active. People were always surprised because I broke the stereotypes.

So let us wander back to this little women’s gym. I had gone through a horrible breakup and needed some drastic changes. I chopped my hair short (he liked it long) and enrolled in a gym that my friend introduced me to. t started with a yoga class here and there and then I started to do the circuit. I was not such a fan of that as I did not see the results that my counterparts did. I did however dare to do what the other girls there did not. I put on the gloves and decided to, excuse the pun, take a whack at it.

There was something incredible gratifying in feeling my fist hit the heavy bag. Hook, hook, jab, jab, it was great! Love, In retrospect I suppose picturing the faces I had pictured on that bag were negative energy, but oh it felt good. One woman saw me one day and looking startled said “Wow, your good, I hope you’re not picturing anyone on there.” I gave what probably looked like an evil smile and said, why yes I am.

Emotionally and physically, it was the healthiest thing I could do. Not the most positive, energy flowing through me but frankly, yoga wasn’t cutting it. The anger needed a place to go and the bag seemed to be in the right place at the right time, as all things are.  There was and is a beautiful moment that your focus is gained and you feel your strength. It is the same as when you pull the bow back and feel the potential of the arrow to fly under your strength.

Now we will fast forward to this Saturday.when I walked back into a new gym, one that I have been a member of for 5 years but has not seen me in three. I had a friend with me who coached me a bit and brought me through some moves I knew and some that I did not. It felt fantastic, and apparently I did better than the guy who went in  after me. The kicks, the jabs, every contact, felt some old anger slip away. I have been back everyday since. It is funny, once again being the anomaly. In this gym very few walk into the boxing cage, let alone a girl. It was great, by the end of the half hour the guys on the other side of the gym started to gravitate towards the machines near the cage. We both caught them looking every now and then. Too few people acknowledge their own strength, in all aspects of their lives. So in my quest for balance I am moving past the boxes others have tried to place me in. I am Shredding the emotions that have created walls and am looking forward to the next time I can strap on those gloves.

Spirit Guide Message:

You are the master of your fate, the director of your own life. Choose, with love and wisdom what means most and let the rest slip away.

The addictive poison

We all have our kryptonite and it almost always seems to be what draws us near. For example what do I crave, I crave dairy, and when I eat it I inevitably  get regrettably ill. What did I have today? I ate my kryptonite and much like the movie “French Kiss” I feel the need to yell out of a train window “Laaaatooooossseeee Innnntoooolllerrrrannnnccceee!!” Alas no train to yell out of, only a blog.  I am sorry, but you all are no Kevin Kline, if you were I would be making out with you in a vineyard in France

So why are we drawn to the things that are the very poison to the soul, mind, and body? We know the harm they will do and yet like the insane, we test it out over and over hoping for a different result. Is it hope or delusion which drives us. If I could I would eat gluten and dairy all day, but luckily I have some common sense left. But people are that way too. We inevitably keep the friends around who drain us, work in safe places that make us miserable, and date people who know are not good for us.

I see this with so many clients who come to me seeking advice about letting someone go, leaving a situation that is toxic, or ending a dependency of any kind that gives the illusion of control. These are tests to make us stronger, obstacle to overcome. Find the healthier self, work in a place you love, find the one that gives you strength instead of taking it away.

I could berate myself for eating the dairy or look at tomorrow as another chance to get it right. You can put anything in the place of dairy and the sentiment is still the same. Find your toxic patterns and replace it with better ones.

Spirit Guide message:

Only you and the Divine know the strength of your spirit. You are Divine in your own right and your weaknesses are your evolutionary lessons. You will be as strong as your will allow. Ask us for help and we will get you through the darkness to better and safer ground.

Edit yourself

In this world of love and light we are admittedly flawed. I am sorry, in case you were not aware, you are indeed flawed. To say otherwise is setting yourself up for disappointment and feelings of failure. As I go through this process of book writing, a friend saw in three minutes what I had not seen in months. We are like that too. Ask your friends for the truth, it may surprise you that though they love you , that they do indeed notice your flaws. Perhaps you are like me and talk too much (which comes in handy for what I do), obsess over meaningless details , loose your cool a little too often, get lost, and multitudes of other things that would take me eons  to list.

I am not saying this to be negative, but rather to be more accepting of my own flaws and the need to edit myself. I also have seen too many people crumble when their life takes a decidedly wrong turn. When someone dumps them they either take all the blame, which is ridiculous or they bash the other person, refusing to take any of the blame. (equally ridiculous!) We are neither completely at fault or completely blameless in anything in out lives. At some point we made decisions that led us to where we are. Barring acts of God/Nature/Universe We have a part in the story that we are living and must stop and ask ourselves how we got here.

First start with the ways in which you are perfect, ways that you love who you are and exactly how you are. This is important for our emotional health and balance, take everything into account, body, mind and soul, Write it down and save to read over later. You need this list for moments in your life when you simply cannot recall how wonderful ad beautiful you are. See yourself as other see you, love yourself as others do.

When you are feeling great, this is a good time to then stop and see where you can edit yourself, to make you an even better version. We all have things to improve, be honest, be brutal and write it down. Ask yourself how do you feel when you are doing…… and reflect on why you do what you do. Then ask what have others complained about and if you have made steps to change or modify. You should not change the essentials of who you are, but tweak and improve until your relationship with both others and yourself become what you want them to be; happy, healthy, and mutual.

Sometimes this means stepping back from people when you are always feeling drained. Do you give too much to the people who never give back, while those who do are left neglected. Do you give until you are neglected.

Other times we need to learn to embrace what we see as flaw and turn them to our advantage. In my adulthood, I have realized that I may have ADD and instead of using it as an excuse, I put it to good use, by multitasking. I can multitask and problem solve in  ways that some can not. I have learned that my gift for gab if used correctly can uncover exactly what someone needs, in all of my jobs this is a gift. This gift in my friendships has also had to be toned down to make sure there is balance. (a work in progress)    Even the clutteredness of which I so often speak has come in handy when I needed papers that someone neater than I would probably have tossed years ago, again balance. toss trash, keep what my instinct feels is needed.

Spirit Guided Message:

Become the person that you love, that you are proud of, love those, who push you to be better because they love you, not because they love themselves. Find the balance in everything and remove or change what is causing you to be imbalanced.

Knock to the head

Sometimes it takes a knock to the head for you to slow down. I have been burning the candle at more than two ends for a while now, with no intentions of slowing down. Well there goes that. In one quick moment I got a concussion, slept for 36 hours in 48 and will be in recovery mode until the Dr. Gives the ok.

Many of you who me, know I live and work off of oh 4-6 hours of sleep sometimes less. It is something I work always to get more of, but never seems to happen. It takes eons for my mind to turn off and if I try sleeping before I am in crash mode I can stare at the ceiling for hours. So I learned to run until I know there is no more energy left, then when my head hits the pillow I get 4-6 hours of rock solid sleep. I am not saying it is healthy, rather for me a work in progress to reach the goal of 7-9 hours. I do have to say getting more than 12 hours a day for a few days has done wonders! I wish It could have happened in a gentler fashion, but such is the way of life.

Getting hit in the head will slow one down, in all ways I can tell you. Walking, talking, typing everything has been slowed down and must take conscious thought and effort. I was so busy driving myself to the hospital I did not even know how bad it was. I just ran and ran, until the doctor said um nope, you need 3-7 days of rest maybe longer. “What???” I must have miss-heard that, nope another doctor confirmed the next day.

It was a little scary watching his reactions to my motor control and almost falling during the heel to toe test. It also showed me how little I was paying attention to what I was doing prior to being seen. this is a lesson that I need to take with me, to be more in the moment, aware of my thoughts, speech and actions. It begs the question; How much of our lives to we miss on a regular basis?

I missed out on many things this weekend, personally and professionally, but I also found out who cared about me, I found that I was not being as conscious as I thought during normal activities and also found a new purpose on my list of to-do and one is to get policy changed at work. I should have been taken by ambulance immediately; I should have been checked for a concussion immediately, not 3-4 hours later.

I was lucky nothing happened to me on my 20 mile drive to the ER and so were they. But when I saw how easy it was to check for a concussion and that I could have done it, I got upset. Why hadn’t they? How many others will slip by and who will not be so lucky? I certainly had Divine help to get me where I needed safely and the where with all to go at all. I knew to ask some questions. Not everyone does. We take out medical professionals for granted, that they know everything and thus question nothing. I have always asked questions and always will.  Before the tragic death of Natasha Richardson, I may not have thought anything of a simple bump on the head, but when symptoms started to get worse, I had to.

I know I am skipping around and I apologize, (Still not healed yet) spiritually speaking, I have also been forced to slow down. I have had to say no, which I hate to do, but my health and recovery must come first, before I can return to helping others. So I will help the way I can for now with is through words and relaying the lessons I have learned through my blog. I should be fine by week’s end and will send an update, when I get the go ahead.

For now,

Listen to your heart,

Follow the pull of your soul,

And wear a helmet!

Creating and finding balance

It is at this time of year I reflect for two reasons. This time three years ago I descended on a trip that would forever change the course of my life and mindset. In this blog I have written of leaps of faith, gratitude, and hope and the past three years have been full of all three. I am so grateful to all of you who have walked with me on this journey, offered up words of praise and support as well as those who have helped me to grow and evolve. You have seen me through many ups and downs, you have been there in times that were also dark. For all of that I thank you.

I offer up gratitude to the Universe and the Divine as we speak I have candles going to release and open up to all that lay in my path. With that being said I arrive at the topic of the day which is finding balance and keeping balance.

In this I am by no means an expert, but I am finding my way. Most of you know by now that sleep eludes me and my brain goes a thousand miles a minute, but somewhere in the mess is peace. There is a greater peace than I knew even as a child when the world was slightly simpler. While I may not have many of the things that keep people hopping (Children, spouse, pets, ect)I work a lot and add to that writing, side projects, groups to run and businesses, it did become quite difficult to do all of the other things that make a person whole. Since starting this journey I found myself neglecting my creative self, physical self and social self.

I am slowly bringing these aspects back. Some of you may remember that I took a 30 day hiatus from Facebook and this helped greatly. I may have to do this again, as I find myself getting sucked back into the games that burned what little candle I had left. This freed up my time like you would not believe and forced my friends to contact me via phone versus checking my statuses. I have started to go walking in the park again and found a joy in country line dancing that was completely unexpected. I shouldn’t be surprised as I did dance and figure skate for most of my child hood and discovered a love of country music as a teenager. It did surprise me and I am loving it! Most of my artistic self is re-emerging and I am even contemplating combining my love of visual art with my channeling abilities. anyone who wants to be a guinea pig, let me know! I already have a few volunteers.

I hope that my reflections help you to find those spaces in your life where you could achieve balance and joy. Take the time to talk to your inner child and discover what it is you are missing our need. You may find surprise and delight where stagnation once lived!

Spirit Guide Message:

Joy can only live when we release our old thought patterns. Do not let your need for constancy and safety override your need to express, create, and move. Live with joy, walk with love, and smile with inner peace.

Broken, bruised, but not out of the game!

This has been a busy week! I worked at another fantastic reading fair over at Soulful Awakenings in Belmar, NJ! I met some wonderful people there and saw some friends who I like more and more very time I see them. A big THANK YOU! to the girls there, it is an honor to work with you and to be asked back again and again.  I met with two area centers in the hopes of finding space for the NJ meet-up groups and have 1 more place to visit. I am hoping to have the groups meet at all 3 and bringing their events to the forefront as well. I would like to see a huge NJ Metaphysical community develop and am seeing the seed being planted for it. There are some wonderful centers that have great offerings and I can not wait to work together to create an active and exciting community of souls reaching for higher vibrations, learning, exploring and delving into all of the gifts we are being given on a physical and metaphysical level.

I saw this week a video that I can not get out of my head and heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJkZXh9v_i4

This little dog who was dirty and literally amongst the trash, has been overlooked by society, lost and forgotten and blind, as if she did not already have a raw deal. Fiona live in fear and really with little hope for food, space or love.

Then there is Chase http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4giaORFP5M&feature=related who was so afraid she turned to anger rather than defeat. She was abused for three years and ready to bite the nearest hand out of base fear.

The stories go on, but in all of them is a man and his wife who have swooped in and rescued these little lost souls. He holds them, bathes, feeds,  plays with them and searches tirelessly for forever homes. With in sometimes less than an hour he has them on the floor begging for a belly rub, eating out of his hand or licking his face. I am in awe of these incredible  people. I believe I read that they have saved over 500 dogs. All of them strays, lost, or about to be euthanized. With nothing more than some TLC and the donations for life saving operations, they completely change these little and beautiful lives.

It made me think of how we often see ourselves as damaged goods after what we have been through in our lives.  It is a flawed view, for in all of our lives there is someone, or has been someone offering a hand of love and caring that we shirk for feeling unworthy, unloveable. I am going back to the quote from Opera “We are worthy, because we are born.”

Say it to yourself and mean it, you are worthy, you are divine, you are that same perfect little baby that was held and loved by someone. Just because you have made some poor choices, or you were born into a family that did not take the time to love you the way you should, does not mean that you are not worthy. Take the time to hold and cuddle your inner child and see the perfection that lives always within you.

Do not wait for validation to come from the outside world and take ownership of your Divinity, your lovability, and perfection, for unlike an animal, you have the capacity to change and alter your way of thinking without constant external influences. If you are in a place where you feel unloved, then climb to a place within, where you are loved. your Guides and Angels think you are worthy and are there with you when you are ready. Love, love, love yourself and leve no room for the hate, that the world has tried to push on you.

Spirit Guide Message:

You must, love the inner divine, as you were created from that spark, we all were. Love the life you are in and all the ones that have come before, it is what you have learned and grown from. Speak kindly to yourself as you would a child and live not in fear of being criticized, but rather live to raise others up, it will be returned.

Touch

Other than general news and updates, I have been at a loss of blog inspiration and for that I apologize. Today though I watched a new show called touch and realized that, this was precisely what should be written about today. The show Touch is reminiscent of some of my old favorites, Quantum Leap, Early Edition, to name a few. There is the unlikely male hero, called upon, by an unexpected force or character to right a wrong. They have a guide of some sort Hologram, Cat/two friends, Son/Therapist like figure(Danny Glover) and they are propelled to do good, even to the point of sacrifice. There are others that fall along similar lines, Charmed, and the less metaphysical Leverage, any crime based show, and many more.

So here I sit with my pot of tea and my comfy sweater, trying to figure out what it is that draws me to these shows. Well clearly the metaphysical aspect is a draw, the quest for the betterment of man, and the very real characters in the center of it all. Even as a child, I saw patterns, to the point of missing the obvious. I suppose that is why I love the arts, I see what is common between all man and write, paint, and sing what connects us all. I collected coins, not for the rarity, but for the age, wondering what hands had touched it, who may have had stories with that coin. I collected keys for the same reason…. I mean really who collects keys? They led to doors, to mysteries, to people with very real stories. I would watch and see how people would walk to the same beat of an unheard song, speak in patterns and how words I never heard before would suddenly pop up out of mouths unrelated. I saw religions not as hard and fast rituals with rules and laws, but stories of unknown histories, tied together across cultures and time. (much to the chagrin of my religious teachers.)

As for the propelled by an unseen force, I have known that force, that thread so to speak for a very long time, seeing how one event in my life lead to another. Even when I was set on another path, you see so clearly how I was supposed to be in that time or place. Even as I resisted, I was pulled and pushed into place to receive the knowledge, gifts, or people I was meant to. We are all like that you see, but we fail to look with eyes open to these threads until we look back on those moments. I think the trick is to see, really see what is happening at the time of the present. (The benefit of meditation-being in the now.) Even this week I ran into people at the precise moment in our lives that we were needed. I know that at least one may see the purpose of the meeting. We were all interconnected, and I saw it. I saw the person I was supposed to meet, felt the need to say hello and did not. But there was the common friend out of nowhere and when I asked the right question I was introduced to the very person, I felt the need to meet. I have a feeling that had we not met, fate would have brought us back around to try it again! There are other connections and events that will unfold, but that will be shown to me when the time is come, I must do what is called in this moment and let fate worry about the rest.

As far as righting a wrong, I have often stepped into that role as mediator, healer, rescuer (certainly nothing as dramatic as television) But I was called on non the less. They may never even know the role I played, or I may never have known the reality of what I was doing, but it was for a greater purpose. In College I had the rare and coveted single room, but saw a friend in a bad situation living with people who frankly did not get along with her. I will never know how true the stories were, but I told her to come live with me for the rest of the year. Despite giving up my solitude, I knew that the three of them were better off separated. It was a small thing and I did not think twice, it just had to be done. It did drive me nuts having a roommate at the time, having been an only child, I would have rather had my own space, but it simply was not an option to let her stay there even one more evening. You have no idea how the small gestures you make are often the kindest moments a person has had in a long time. I have had people do that for me on more than one occasion and they will never know how deeply felt their kindness was. I could not thank all of them, but have tried to pay it forward.

With Touch there is mystical found in the hard reality of numbers. It is a beautiful contrast. The only demons thus far have been the inner ones we all deal with day-to-day. We have the added dimension of one of the main players being diagnosed with autism, though the father in the story debates the accuracy of that diagnosis. I think though that there are many people who SEE the world so differently in a way that the rest of us simply can not. It is too early in the series to know if it will become an obsession, but so far I’m hooked!

Spirit Guide Message:

Speak your heart to those who will not listen. While it seems that it falls upon deaf ears, it does not and has not. Their heart is too broken, to understand the fullness of yours right now. Give it time and you will see the light of a new day shine upon them and see the illumination of your soul in their eyes.